They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
