Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
it was like his penis was on wheels.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
