Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

we should wear snuggies to the strip club

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(573): View more from Missouri

I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.

Fav 31 1451 4123
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(786): View more from Florida

I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.

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(712): View more from Iowa

Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.

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(727): View more from Florida

I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish

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(716): View more from New York

Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.

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(631): View more from New York

Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat

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(641): View more from Iowa

I think drunk me is trying to kill me.

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