just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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