Your dad touched me again.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
