never play flip cup with pint glasses
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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