do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
