Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
