I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
