I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
