Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
