i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
