tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
