we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
