Need sex. Gaining weight.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
