He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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