sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
