Can i not drive my cunt home
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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