I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
