Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
