so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
