yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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