1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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