Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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