saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
we're so committed to being not committed
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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