Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
her vagine was all disorganized.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
