I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
