i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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