new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
