How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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