I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
