I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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