Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
