I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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