420 ftw
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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