i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
