idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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