I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
