On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize