My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
