your thong is hanging out like whoa
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize