Even the bartender felt bad for me
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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