In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
