Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
