I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
