I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
