Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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