Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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