I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Randomize
