I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
