My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
