All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
