dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
