3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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