waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
