how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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