I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
