How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
