1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
