found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
