Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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