God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
