i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
