Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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