How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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