: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
